Nobody wants to get older...but it happens. As we age, we go through birthday after birthday, and every year, the inevitable question is "So...do you feel older?". To which the reply (or mine, at least) is usually "No".
This year, however, I felt it. I woke up the morning of my 29th birthday, and I simply felt ... old(er). Now, I recognize that it may have had something to do with the ridiculous amounts of alcohol I'd consumed the night before. Maybe even the ginormous crocodile sized drunken tears that came with the gut-wrenching reality of loving someone so much that it was literally hurting every part of me not to have him. Really, it could have been any number of reasons. But the fact of the matter is...I, for once in my life, woke up feeling older on my birthday.
I know what most of you are thinking: "You're not that old!". To a certain extent, you are absolutely right. Statistically speaking, I should have many years of life in front of me. For someone like me, though, someone whose life dream is so completely different from the social "norm", it's hard to see my youthfulness when I take a look at the big picture.
When we're kids, there's a lot of talk about what you want to be when you grow up. Parents and teachers and various other adults and role models will poke and pry and try to set your sights high. I learned, from a very young age, how to answer that question with lies just to make other people happy. I knew exactly what I wanted to be, but when I said it out loud I was laughed at and reprimanded. So...as the other kids yelled out responses like "FIREMAN!", or "BASEBALL PLAYER!", I started to follow suit. "LAWYER! PEDIATRICIAN!" Of two things I was certain...I could hold my own in an argument and I loved babies.
You see, while all the other kids were dreaming about the day they'd finally finish all those years of law school and become that super important widely-known attorney, I had one dream above all else: to be a wife and mom.
I get it. Most women have a natural-born desire to get married and make babies. But that's not what I'm talking about. This isn't just me wanting to have kids of my own. THIS (to be a wife and mom) is *my* life dream. MY ultimate career. Not to be a rockstar, or a model, or an actress. I didn't want to go to school for 8 more years, or become the bitchy CEO of some Fortune 500 company. It's not that I don't have the brains or that I lack the willpower to be any of the aforementioned things. Not to sound arrogant or cocky, but I am a damn smart girl, strong-willed at that, and I certainly do not lack vision. It's not that I have no ambition, it's just that what I aspire for does not fit in with what our culture has deemed appropriate.
Guess what culture? As a 29 year-old ambitious, intelligent, strong-willed woman, I am standing here today with a 6 inch stiletto and designer jean kicking you in the face. And by golly, I hope it hurts. Who are you to tell me who or what I can aspire to be? Who are you to tell me that, since my dream is so unlike yours, it's not a good enough dream? Good for you, feminist movement. Your efforts have certainly not gone unnoticed - many women have benefited by being able to follow their own dreams! But just because MY dream doesn't match your societal outline, does not give you the right to tell me I am wrong.
It's not like I haven't worked for my dream. My training comes in forms different from your own. There is no school for learning how to be a wife and mom...if there were, I would have been there and done that...and worked my ass off for the diploma! Because when I set my mind to something, I reach for it! I attain the unattainable!
My dream may be different from yours, my outline may not look the same, but it is a dream nonetheless and not a person in this world has any right to stomp on that.
This year, however, I felt it. I woke up the morning of my 29th birthday, and I simply felt ... old(er). Now, I recognize that it may have had something to do with the ridiculous amounts of alcohol I'd consumed the night before. Maybe even the ginormous crocodile sized drunken tears that came with the gut-wrenching reality of loving someone so much that it was literally hurting every part of me not to have him. Really, it could have been any number of reasons. But the fact of the matter is...I, for once in my life, woke up feeling older on my birthday.
I know what most of you are thinking: "You're not that old!". To a certain extent, you are absolutely right. Statistically speaking, I should have many years of life in front of me. For someone like me, though, someone whose life dream is so completely different from the social "norm", it's hard to see my youthfulness when I take a look at the big picture.
When we're kids, there's a lot of talk about what you want to be when you grow up. Parents and teachers and various other adults and role models will poke and pry and try to set your sights high. I learned, from a very young age, how to answer that question with lies just to make other people happy. I knew exactly what I wanted to be, but when I said it out loud I was laughed at and reprimanded. So...as the other kids yelled out responses like "FIREMAN!", or "BASEBALL PLAYER!", I started to follow suit. "LAWYER! PEDIATRICIAN!" Of two things I was certain...I could hold my own in an argument and I loved babies.
You see, while all the other kids were dreaming about the day they'd finally finish all those years of law school and become that super important widely-known attorney, I had one dream above all else: to be a wife and mom.
I get it. Most women have a natural-born desire to get married and make babies. But that's not what I'm talking about. This isn't just me wanting to have kids of my own. THIS (to be a wife and mom) is *my* life dream. MY ultimate career. Not to be a rockstar, or a model, or an actress. I didn't want to go to school for 8 more years, or become the bitchy CEO of some Fortune 500 company. It's not that I don't have the brains or that I lack the willpower to be any of the aforementioned things. Not to sound arrogant or cocky, but I am a damn smart girl, strong-willed at that, and I certainly do not lack vision. It's not that I have no ambition, it's just that what I aspire for does not fit in with what our culture has deemed appropriate.
Guess what culture? As a 29 year-old ambitious, intelligent, strong-willed woman, I am standing here today with a 6 inch stiletto and designer jean kicking you in the face. And by golly, I hope it hurts. Who are you to tell me who or what I can aspire to be? Who are you to tell me that, since my dream is so unlike yours, it's not a good enough dream? Good for you, feminist movement. Your efforts have certainly not gone unnoticed - many women have benefited by being able to follow their own dreams! But just because MY dream doesn't match your societal outline, does not give you the right to tell me I am wrong.
It's not like I haven't worked for my dream. My training comes in forms different from your own. There is no school for learning how to be a wife and mom...if there were, I would have been there and done that...and worked my ass off for the diploma! Because when I set my mind to something, I reach for it! I attain the unattainable!
My dream may be different from yours, my outline may not look the same, but it is a dream nonetheless and not a person in this world has any right to stomp on that.
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