8 years ago I met a guy in an online chat room. He lived in Dallas and I in Phoenix. Though there were miles between us we talked quite frequently, and without meeting we still managed to quickly fall for each other.
Fast forward to about 8 months later: engaged and living together. After awhile, something just wasn't sitting right with me. I was withdrawn from my friends, my family, my church. Several people noticed the difference and tried their hardest to get me out of what I suppose from the outside looked like a situation spiraling out of control.
He started hacking in to my email and changing my passwords. I was only allowed to go to work without him, and even with that, he'd often come by and wait for me to get off. He would get jealous and irate when I tried talking with or hanging out with my friends. I was repeatedly lied to by this man, sometimes about stupid meaningless garbage, all just to have it thrown back at me like I was the bad guy. I soon began to feel crazy...having fact pointed at me, but hearing a completely different story from him. I wanted to believe him, I wanted to believe that our love was stronger, so I began making excuses for his irrational behavior. I felt captive and didn't quite know what to do. I was too ashamed and too prideful to talk with anyone about it. I never have dealt well with failure...
The couple I was working for at the time (my mentors), pulled me aside one by one and gently painted a picture for me. I was in an abusive relationship, and although no physical harm was being done, the mental and emotional destruction was great. I needed to flee.
Before I could get myself out of the situation, he up and left. I found out later by the apartment staff that he'd tried taking himself off the lease...he'd been planning to leave me anyway! I also found out that for so many months, he'd been cheating on me...all the while accusing ME of having things to hide!
I talk a big game about following your dreams...but today my message is a little deeper. I want to make this next part very clear: don't ever sacrifice your self respect for what you believe to be a [shattered] dream!! Living out your dream may not always be glorious, but if it begins to sabotage every other part of your life, especially YOU (and your sanity), run. It's not worth it! Above all, you are a living, breathing person...and there is absolutely nothing wrong with dusting yourself off and trying again. <3
I am so proud of you who God is creating you to become! I miss you SO VERY much in my life! I love you!
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